Dr. Frank Turek recently asked on X, “how would you describe grace to someone?” It’s one of those questions that sounds simple until you’ve actually lived it. I couldn’t help but write a long-winded reply, because like most of us, I learned to embody grace the hard way — and I’m still humbled daily by what it cost.
Grace
Grace is when someone hurts you, even really hurts you, maybe repeatedly, and you still choose not to make them pay the full price they actually owe. It’s not pretending the damage didn’t happen or being naive or letting them walk all over you again without boundaries. It’s looking at the debt they racked up against you — the lies, the abandonment, the nights you couldn’t sleep because of what they did — and deciding you’re not going to collect on every last cent of it.
He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103:10)
Instead, you absorb a lot of the cost yourself so they don’t have to. You release the right to revenge, to endless bitterness, or to constantly reminding them how badly they screwed up. You give them something good they didn’t earn: a chance to move forward without being crushed under the weight of what they did to you.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)
That’s what God did for us on a cosmic scale. We owed Him everything — our rebellion, our selfishness, our failures — and Jesus stepped in and paid it all so we wouldn’t have to. He didn’t wait until we cleaned up our act or proved we were “sorry enough.” He just did it, because that’s who He is.
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
So when people ask me what grace means, I usually say it’s getting the opposite of what you deserve. You deserved punishment, payback, justice. Instead you get love (even if it’s from afar), a fresh start, and freedom from the debt. It’s unfair in the best possible way.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)
And yeah… living that out with people who hurt you is brutal. It doesn’t feel fair. It hurts like hell sometimes. But if you’ve ever tasted even a tiny bit of giving undeserved kindness after being wrecked, you get why the cross had to look the way it did. Grace isn’t cheap, it’s just freely given.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8)
Closing Thoughts
I don’t have this fully figured out. Some debts I’ve laid down more than once — picked them back up, carried them awhile, then had to choose again. That’s the honest truth of it. But here’s what I do know:
The moments I’ve managed to extend something undeserved — even imperfectly, even with clenched teeth — have taught me more about the cross than any sermon I’ve ever sat through, because when you feel the weight of what you’re choosing to release, you start to understand what it cost Him to release it for you.
Grace isn’t a one-time transaction. It’s a posture you keep returning to. And every time you do, you’re a little less like yourself and a little more like the One who started this whole thing.
…you were redeemed… not with perishable things such as silver or gold… but with the precious blood of Christ. (1 Peter 1:18–19)
If you’re holding a debt someone owes you right now, I’m not saying you have to have it all resolved or pretend it didn’t happen. But maybe just ask yourself what it would feel like to stop collecting.
That’s usually where grace begins.
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