Sometimes, we find ourselves entangled with people who aren’t living on the same frequency. They can come into our lives, subtly siphoning away our time and energy, wearing a mask that seems aligned with who we are, but in reality, they’re playing a different game. What they offer might appear genuine at first, but if we listen closely, we can sense a discrepancy—a mystery that isn’t captivating but unsettling. Deep down, our intuition nudges us, whispering warnings about the dissonance in their words, actions, and intentions.
I’ve come to recognize this as someone benefiting from stolen time. They create an illusion, projecting a certain lifestyle or mindset that matches ours, when in fact, they’re moving in shadows, dealing in ways that leave us feeling uncertain, even uneasy. The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said:
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
In hindsight, it’s clearer to see how others’ deception unfolds, and yet, at the moment, we must trust our intuition to guide us.
This kind of person might seem confident and composed on the outside, but you can almost sense a “sliminess” in their energy—a vibe that leaves you on edge, even if you can’t put your finger on it at first. They may be skilled at portraying confidence, hiding behind the façade of ‘doing what’s necessary’ to survive or thrive in their chosen path. But what stands out most is their detachment and inability to connect genuinely. It’s not that they lack feelings altogether, but their emotional armor is so thick that any glimpse of vulnerability would compromise the image they’ve constructed. And so, they choose to navigate life with a self-centered, almost transactional mindset.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. (Carl Rogers)
The above quote from the psychologist Carl Rogers is one I have revisited time and time again, but I have recently gained a much deeper understanding that we must also be ever aware that the people we encounter who cannot accept themselves rely on projecting false identities to cover their inner voids. In doing so, they trap themselves and those who invest in them in a cycle of superficial connection.
It’s tiring, constantly trying to align ourselves with people who bring an air of restriction into our lives. In relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or familial—there should be a sense of freedom, a space where we can express our love, our trust, and our true selves without fear. When that space is filled with hidden motives, emotional manipulation, or secrets, it erodes the foundation of trust. There’s a fine line between privacy and secrecy, and crossing that line can make us feel like prey in a game we never wanted to play.
You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. (Thich Nhat Hanh)
Love that confines and restricts is not truly love; it’s an unhealthy attachment that does not honor the fullness of our being. We might want to love freely, but when love comes with strings attached, restrictions, and caution, it becomes a heavy burden. Instead of thriving, we shrink to fit the narrow expectations and twisted dynamics of someone who can’t give back what they take.
The truth is, relationships like these are exhausting and imbalanced. They drain us of our time and energy while leaving us feeling depleted and undervalued. We invest so much, but the return is meager—superficial gestures, a hollow sense of connection, and a void where reassurance and trust should be. There’s a desire to fix things, to hold on, to stay in the hope that one day it will be different. But that day often doesn’t come.
Existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre wrote:
Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you. (Jean-Paul Sartre)
We have to remind ourselves that we have a choice. We are not obligated to remain in spaces where we feel restricted, unvalued, or hidden away. True connection and love do not demand that we shrink or silence ourselves to fit into someone else’s world. It should be an open field, not a confined cage.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation or felt these emotions, know that you deserve to be in relationships that allow you to be your authentic self—relationships without heavy restrictions, manipulative tactics, or guarded affections. Don’t settle for being part of someone else’s game when you have the power to rewrite the rules for your own peace and happiness.
To the ones out there who are feeling trapped by the strings, the caution, and the discomfort: You are worthy of a connection that feels expansive, supportive, and loving. You are not responsible for fixing people who refuse to grow. And you don’t need to justify choosing yourself.
Remember: Your time is sacred, your love is valuable, and you are more than enough. We encourage you to choose to move forward with lightness, authenticity, and the freedom to be you. Let go of those who cannot or will not give you that space, and open your life to those who can.
Simplicity, peace, and self-worth are always worth choosing.
The Twin Tree Project 