This post is a “random reflection” inspired by a quote I came across tonight while preparing for meditation:
The person attempting to travel two roads at once will get nowhere. (Xun Zi)
This quote struck me deeply because it perfectly captures the inner conflict we create when we try to move forward while clinging to the past. That idea resonated even more as I found myself questioning whether anger was a valid response in a particular situation tonight. As it turns out, it was…in that instance. But that doesn’t mean it always will be, and it was worth revisiting.
I understand that some may disagree with or misinterpret my perspective in this post, and that’s okay. What I’m offering here is simply one reflection—a way of looking at things among many others—and perhaps some food for thought. Healing—especially the process of understanding what “letting go” looks like for each of us—is nuanced, with many layers of experience and insight. This is simply a new layer I’ve peeled back tonight in my own self, life, and journey.
The Tug-of-War Between Past and Future
Psychologically, this internal struggle can be exhausting because it divides our energy and focus. Our minds crave closure, but closure isn’t about forgetting—it’s about integration. When we cling to the past while longing for the future, we create cognitive dissonance—a state of tension that arises when our actions, beliefs, or emotions are out of alignment. This tension can leave us feeling stuck, unable to make meaningful progress.
Spiritually, this dilemma reminds me of the idea that our attachments bind us. Many traditions teach that growth requires surrender—not as a loss, but as an act of trust. Clinging to what was resists the natural flow of life, which is always moving, evolving, and changing. Letting go, in this sense, is not about giving up—it’s about stepping into the current of life and trusting it to carry us forward.
Holding onto the past while striving for the future is like trying to walk two roads at once. The result isn’t progress; it’s stagnation. True forward movement doesn’t come from erasing the past but from releasing its grip on us. It’s about honoring what has been—not by dragging it along, but by letting it shape us into who we’re becoming.
Personal Reflections on Letting Go
One way I’ve come to understand this is through my own healing journey. Walking away from something—a relationship, a situation, or even a version of ourselves—means recognizing that we can’t carry everything with us. Sometimes, even the memories feel heavy, like anchors pulling us backward. As an act of self-protection, I’ve had to set those memories aside temporarily—not as denial, but as a form of survival. Revisiting them too soon can reopen wounds that need more time to heal. Only when we’ve nurtured ourselves enough can we return to those memories with clarity and compassion, free from the rawness of pain.
Grief has taught me this lesson in another way. To fully embrace the love of someone we’ve lost, we have to let go of their physical presence—a process that feels both unnatural and necessary. It’s not about forgetting them; it’s about carrying their essence in a lighter, more sustainable way. For me, creating distance from certain reminders—photos, belongings, even familiar places—was essential in the early stages of grief. Over time, as the sharp edges of pain softened, I could revisit those things and feel love and connection instead of longing and despair. This process is deeply personal and nonlinear, but it’s one that allows us to carry the love forward in a healthier way.
The Weight of Old Patterns
Even old behaviors and patterns can act as baggage. Often, we hold onto them thinking they’re a way of honoring what we’ve been through—as if continuing to act or react in certain ways somehow validates our experiences. But more often than not, these patterns keep us tethered to what we’ve outgrown. They weigh us down, preventing us from reaching the clarity and freedom that come with growth.
Anger at or about a past experience, for instance (because that was what tripped me up tonight), may feel like a shield—something that protects us from being hurt again. And it’s important to acknowledge that anger can be a valid and necessary part of processing certain situations. It’s not about denying or suppressing anger; it’s about recognizing when holding onto it begins to harm us more than it protects us. Anger serves a purpose in the moment, but allowing it to linger and define our outlook—especially toward a specific person, situation, or even ourselves—can weigh us down. It becomes a barrier to mental stability, emotional intelligence, and ultimately, growth.
This doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to feel anger. Processing anger is part of healing, but holding onto it indefinitely, replaying the same narratives, or letting it seep into unrelated aspects of our lives can keep us stuck. Growth requires a willingness to loosen our grip on anger and examine what lies beneath it—whether it’s fear, pain, or vulnerability—so that we can heal and move forward. Letting go of anger doesn’t invalidate our experience; it allows us to reclaim our energy and focus it on something that nurtures us instead of depleting us.
True honor doesn’t come from recreating the past or perpetuating old patterns. It comes from transforming them. It comes from allowing what we’ve learned to guide us into a new way of being—one that reflects the growth and wisdom pain, loss, and challenge have given us. To honor the past is to let it refine us, not define us.
Sometimes, letting go of old patterns feels like betrayal—of ourselves, of others, or of the past. But it’s not betrayal; it’s evolution. By releasing the behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve us, we create space for something better to emerge. We step into a version of ourselves that honors not only where we’ve been but also where we’re going.
Closing Thoughts
To move forward with clarity and purpose, we must release what no longer serves us. Tonight, I realized that I have done that. I am not quick to anger at this point in my journey, but even when anger is healthy and reasonable, being in that energy stirs a sort of doubt within me. That doubt or trigger doesn’t just affect me—it ripples out to those around me.
This experience caused me to reflect on my past and seek guidance from my higher power on more than one area of my being. What I was shown is that the past is an incredible teacher, but it’s not meant to be our home. When we cling too tightly to what was, we close ourselves off to the gifts of what could be. This is why grace becomes so important—grace for ourselves as we navigate the process of letting go, and grace for others who are on their own journeys.
Letting go—truly letting go—allows us to honor the past, not by dragging it behind us, but by letting it become the foundation on which we build the road ahead. In doing so, we open our hands to the future, ready to receive all the gifts life has to offer.
The Twin Tree Project 