I recently had one of those profound spiritual experiences that feels like fate—a turning point that shifts your life forever. This time, though, I was fully conscious of it while it was happening. Meeting my new teacher, David Ji, a Zen master, came at just the right moment. As I navigate recovery from a major existential crisis, his unique approach to exploring and explaining life has been a true gift.
In one of his recent “Life Tools” videos, David delved into ancient wisdom traditions—teachings that felt both familiar and eye-opening. After losing my own lifelong mentors, I’d been in search of answers, hoping the universe would guide me to what I’d missed or misunderstood from all they’d shown me throughout my life. Then, in a moment of surrender, David’s insights came to me “out of nowhere.”
Reflecting on this, I can see how it all fell into place weeks before I consciously recognized it. Following an ad that “magically” appeared in my X feed, I’d downloaded the Insight Timer app, where I “coincidentally” found David’s work, which I “saved for later” because at the first instance of seeing one of his talk titles, I “knew” that soon it would be relevant. His teachings now feel like exactly what I needed. Inspired by this, my partner encouraged me to share this journey with you, as it aligns so closely with the message we hope to spread—helping others connect with spirituality in meaningful ways.
What began as a specific insight to cease viewing my grief as suffering quickly revealed itself to be much broader: the possibility of ending most, if not all; of my suffering. I had already worked out and understood that there were obstacles in my path and that grief itself wasn’t meant to cause suffering, but rather to ease it. I was undeniably aware that grief wasn’t the true source of my pain here and that I sought to maximize my experience of it, not meditate or pretend it away. Soon after beginning this process, I realized I wasn’t just finding an answer to reframe my grief in David’s teaching—I was discovering a way to shift my entire perspective on life, allowing me to experience less suffering across many, if not all, areas.
This journey began with David’s deeper exploration of the concept of “Kleshas,” a topic my late guru had begun discussing with me just months before his passing. The Kleshas, also known as “the five obstacles” or “the five poisons,” are believed to be the root causes of suffering in our lives. If you find yourself asking, “Why am I suffering? Why am I in pain? Why is my heart hurting?”—the answer likely lies within one or more of these five obstacles.
What are the Kleshas?
The Kleshas are five obstacles or afflictions in yogic and Buddhist philosophy that are considered the root causes of human suffering. They cloud our understanding and prevent us from seeing things as they truly are, leading to attachment, aversion, and pain. Here’s a breakdown of each:
1. Avidya (Ignorance)
Avidya, or ignorance, is the foundational Klesha—the misperception of reality that causes us to forget our interconnected nature with all beings. This sense of separation creates suffering and is considered the root of all other Kleshas.
One of our greatest misunderstandings is confusing permanence with impermanence. We cling to things we believe will last forever—relationships, possessions, feelings—only to feel pain when they inevitably change or end. The truth is that only spirit is permanent, flowing through everything. As the Mahavakya “Ayam Atma Brahman” reminds us, “My soul and the universal spirit are the same.” When we understand this, we begin to see our eternal nature.
2. Asmita (Egoism)
Egoism is the identification with the ego, the sense of “I.” It’s the belief that we are separate and distinct, leading us to protect and prioritize the self. This illusion of separateness creates conflict and fear.
When we view ourselves as isolated beings rather than as parts of a greater whole, we feel disconnected and orphaned from the universe’s abundance. The Mahavakya “Aham Brahmasmi” means “I am one with the universe,” a reminder that we are not separate from all that is.
3. Raga (Attachment)
Attachment is the desire to cling to pleasure or things we enjoy. While pleasure itself isn’t harmful, excessive attachment can lead to suffering when those things are lost or fail to meet our expectations.
My guru helped me understand this Klesha, which transformed how I approached grief. I thought I had mastered attachment, but my recent experience taught me how much deeper this teaching truly is. We often attach ourselves to beliefs, relationships, physical appearance, and even our devices. Yet, change is the only constant, and attachment creates suffering as we try to hold onto the impermanent.
4. Dvesha (Aversion)
Dvesha (aversion) is the opposite of attachment—it’s the tendency to reject or avoid things we dislike or fear. This resistance keeps us from growth, creating suffering as we try to protect ourselves from discomfort.
Overcoming aversion involves leaning into our discomfort. When we’re open to new experiences, like trying something we initially disliked, we lessen the control that fear and aversion have over us. I once disliked celery juice, but learning about its benefits led me to try it again, and now I enjoy it. By embracing rather than avoiding, we diminish the power of our aversions.
5. Abhinivesha (Fear of Death)
The final Klesha, Abhinivesha, is the fear of death—or, clinging to life. This deep-rooted fear can keep us from fully embracing life, as we constantly worry about its end.
If we examine many of our fears, we often find they trace back to a fear of death—whether it’s the fear of being alone, leaving no legacy, or losing the connection we hold dear. This fear of finality is like a shadow at the edge of our awareness, a dark figure we instinctively avoid yet one that quietly shapes so many of our thoughts and actions.
During his final days, my guru became a living example of the way to dissolve this shadow. As his physical body weakened, he grew even more vibrant in spirit. Where many might have been overcome by fear, he demonstrated an acceptance that transcended attachment to the physical. I watched as he greeted each day with a profound gratitude that seemed to fill every cell in his body, as if he were drinking from an endless well of peace and appreciation. He wasn’t afraid of the approaching end; instead, he was fully present in every moment, radiating a calmness that was contagious.
The major lesson, really, was that gratitude is the answer to 99.9% of every problem, or fear, or even tragedy we face. Watching my guru, and sort of co-experiencing his “ultimate transition” with him as I cared for him so intimately during that time, taught me that overarching lesson that gratitude is like a candle’s flame: it brings light into the dark corners of our mind, illuminating spaces we often avoid.
By focusing on gratitude each day, we can shift from fear to appreciation. In fact, it can help us to navigate, and might be the remedy in, every Klesha. In gratitude, we find the present moment—a place of connection and fullness where thoughts of loss cannot dwell. Just as my guru found solace in his final days, we too can discover that by practicing gratitude, we transform our fear of death into a celebration of life’s precious, fleeting beauty. In each breath, we can let go of the shadow of fear and step into the light of appreciation.
The teachings of the Kleshas are ancient, yet they hold profound relevance for us today. In our western society we are often discouraged from exploring our darkness and our pain, instead being led to believe that focusing only on positive thoughts and feelings is the answer, but the western world got it wrong (in my experience). Shifting from suffering to happiness doesn’t mean ignoring our authentic feelings of sadness or grief. Sometimes, we need to visit the land of wounds, but we don’t have to live there. “Rent, don’t buy when it comes to pain and suffering.”
This is where a great secret to “ending suffering” lives!
The Twin Tree Project 