A few days ago I came across a quote that deeply resonated with my experience over the last few years:
When they said she was going crazy…She was Awakening.
When they said she was isolating…She was Healing.
When they said she was acting funny…She was Growing.
When they said that she changed…She was Evolving.
When they said she didn’t care anymore…She finally realized that Her Peace Lives Within.
–Unknown
This simple yet profound reflection encapsulates what I’ve come to understand about focusing on ourselves—not in the self-righteous way the world often conditions us to, but in a way that fosters genuine self-love, self-care, self-awareness, and self-respect. These are not selfish acts; they are essential. Without them, we can neither serve ourselves nor others in meaningful, lasting ways.
The Misunderstanding of Growth
Society often misinterprets growth and healing. Awakening looks like “going crazy” to those who don’t understand it. Isolating to heal appears as withdrawal. Evolving and setting boundaries can be mistaken for selfishness or disinterest. The reality, though, is that these moments of transformation are necessary for creating a life rooted in authenticity and peace.
I’ve experienced this misunderstanding firsthand. As I began to prioritize my well-being, most of the relationships in my life faded. The people I thought would show up didn’t—but others, often strangers and always unexpectedly, did. This was one of the hardest yet most liberating lessons: it’s not about who you expect to support you but who actually does. Focusing on that support, however small, allows you to see the beauty of connection in a new light.
Focusing on the Self: A Path to Freedom and Connection
Yesterday, I came across a video by Eckhart Tolle where he revisits the concept of “freedom from the self.” I first encountered this idea through his teachings nearly two decades ago, and watching this video brought back memories of the confusion I felt when I was first introduced to his work. Yet, despite that initial uncertainty, this teaching has stayed with me, and this post was born from my reflections on how it aligns with my own journey.
When I was first introduced to Tolle’s work and teachings I was a young, undergraduate psychology student. At the time, I was fully immersed in the science of things and determined to dismantle the dogma of the religion that raised me—mostly driven by the desire to save others from it. I wanted to destroy what I saw as the world’s archenemy: the rigid system I believed had destroyed me and was destroying everything.
As I delved deeper into psychology, I encountered a troubling realization. I became disillusioned by a similar dogmatic principle: the unspoken rule in psychology of withholding full access to personal power, rooted in the belief that people might no longer “need” the system if they became truly empowered. This approach seemed to echo the very rigidity I was trying to escape—a cycle of dependence that prioritized the system’s survival over the individual’s growth. It forced me to question whether empowerment was truly the goal or if control and reliance were being perpetuated under the guise of guidance.
As I wrestled with these realizations, I began to reflect on what true empowerment really means. At first glance, it seemed contradictory to advocate for self-focus while also seeking freedom from the self. But with time and reflection, I’ve come to see how these ideas are, in fact, deeply interconnected. When Tolle speaks of freedom from the self, he isn’t referring to abandoning self-awareness or personal growth. Instead, he speaks of liberation from the false self—the identity shaped by societal expectations, conditioned thought patterns, and egoic attachments.
This idea brings to mind the teachings of Alan Watts, who often described the “separate self” as an illusion. Watts used the metaphor of a wave and the ocean to illustrate this concept: the wave appears to have its own distinct form and identity, but it is always part of the greater whole—the ocean. Similarly, the self we cling to, shaped by ego and individuality, might seem separate, but it is intrinsically connected to a larger reality. Understanding this helps dissolve the illusion of separateness and reveals our deep interconnectedness with everything around us.
When we focus on the self in a healthy way, we are not reinforcing the illusion of separateness described by Watts; instead, we are recognizing our connection to the greater reality. Watts often spoke about the importance of seeing through the illusion of the isolated ego. He suggested that when we cling to this false identity, we create suffering because we feel disconnected—from ourselves, from others, and from the flow of life.
This resonates with my own experience. Focusing on self-awareness and self-care is not about strengthening the ego but about taming and respecting it, understanding and dismantling the illusion of separateness.
Finding Reality in the Self and the Importance of “Showing Up”
Both Watts and Tolle point to a deeper truth: the journey inward is also a journey outward. When we peel back the layers of ego, we don’t find isolation but connection. As Watts put it:
You are the universe experiencing itself.
This realization transforms self-focus into something sacred—it becomes a way of aligning with the flow of life and honoring the truth of who we are beyond labels and roles.
Scripture, too, reflects this paradox:
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
This scripture encourages us to shift our perspective, to let go of the patterns that confine us, and to embrace the higher truth of who we are. Similarly, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) implies that loving others authentically begins with self-love and self-respect.
For me, this shift has been profound. By focusing on self-love—especially during this season of intentional solitude I’ve embraced over the last several months—I have come to more deeply understand that self-love is not selfish but essential for experiencing the fullness of reality. The clearer I see myself, the clearer I see my place in the world and my connection to others. It’s a paradox: the more I focus on my inner journey, the less I feel confined by my own individuality. Instead, I feel connected to something far greater than myself.
Another key lesson has been learning to focus on the support that continues to show up, rather than lamenting the absence of those I thought would be there. Relationships that thrive through growth are often not the ones we expect. By releasing attachment to specific people or outcomes, I’ve found deeper gratitude for the quiet, steady presence of those who truly align with my journey.
This shift in perspective is humbling. It has shown me that connection is not about quantity or expectation but about quality and authenticity. The right people—those who resonate with your true self—will always find you.
Looking Back, Moving Forward
As I move into 2025, I am humbled by the clarity with which I now see my journey and myself—a clarity that inspires me to help others find their own, from a far healthier perspective than I had a quarter of a century ago. Through our posts and projects, I hope to share this perspective in meaningful ways.
Looking back, I can see how the years of growth, pain, and awakening were absolutely necessary steps in becoming the person I am meant to be. They’ve taught me to focus on what truly matters: nurturing the self in ways that enable me to serve others authentically and joyfully.
Watts taught that reality is a dance, and the self is a partner in that dance—not the choreographer, not the observer, but an integral part of the movement. Similarly, Tolle reminds us that when we dissolve the false self, we don’t lose ourselves; we gain freedom to experience life as it truly is.
So, as we step into a new year, let us embrace this paradox: by focusing on ourselves—on self-love, self-care, and self-awareness—we create the space to dissolve the illusions that separate us. In doing so, we don’t just find peace; we find connection with everything and everyone around us.
The journey to self is not an easy one, but it is the most worthwhile. It is where peace lives and where our deepest connections begin.
The Twin Tree Project 