Sometimes it’s not that someone is disrespecting you, but they are treating you in a way they wouldn’t treat someone they respect. (Jared Mello)
Read that again.
At first glance, this quote is about how people treat us—how they reveal their level of respect (or lack thereof) through their actions. But if we stop there, we miss the most critical part of the equation: How do we treat ourselves?
It’s easy to focus on what others are doing. It’s easy to call out when someone is failing to honor us, failing to value us, failing to respect us. But the deeper truth—the one that truly matters—is this: Are we holding ourselves to the same standard we demand from others?
Because the reality is, people take cues from us. We don’t just tell them how to treat us—we show them. Especially in a world that has increasingly failed to teach younger generations that character and integrity are not just important but foundational to earning respect, our actions matter more than ever. If we aren’t leading by example—if we aren’t embodying self-respect in the way we live—then any external demand for it becomes empty and ineffective.
Setting the Tone: How We Teach Others to Treat Us
The way you carry yourself, the way you speak to yourself, the way you enforce your boundaries—all of it sends a message. Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly teaching people how to treat you.
If you accept mistreatment and make excuses for it, people will assume they can continue. If you tolerate inconsistency and let things slide, others will believe you don’t really mean what you say. If you neglect your own needs, those around you will mirror that neglect.
On the other hand, if you hold yourself to a high standard—not out of arrogance but out of genuine self-worth—people will either rise to meet you or fall away. And both outcomes are a blessing.
But the key here is intention. Why are you doing this?
Why Are You Doing This? The Intent Behind Self-Respect Matters
This is where so many people go wrong.
True self-respect is rooted in self-awareness, integrity, and personal responsibility. It is an internal standard, not an external demand. It has nothing to do with proving anything to anyone. It’s not about controlling how others behave, forcing them to treat you a certain way, or making a statement. It’s about living in a way that aligns with your values and the respect you have for yourself—whether or not anyone else is watching.
But some people get caught up in the performance of self-respect rather than its substance. They mistake arrogance for confidence, entitlement for worthiness. They act as if they deserve the world but offer nothing in return. They demand loyalty, kindness, and patience while giving none. They judge and punish others for their quirks or behaviors, while embodying their own versions of quirky or even undesirable behavior.
That isn’t self-respect. That’s insecurity dressed up as pride.
Because here’s a hard truth: If you don’t respect others, you don’t truly respect yourself.
Real self-respect isn’t self-righteousness. It isn’t about being above anyone else. It’s about holding yourself accountable to the same standards you expect from the world.
The Internal vs. External Standard
It’s easy to demand respect from others, but a real question we should ask ourselves is: Do we actually give it to ourselves?
• We say we want people to cherish and value us, but do we cherish and value ourselves?
• We expect others to recognize our worth, but do we recognize it in our daily choices and actions?
• We want others to honor our boundaries, but do we honor them ourselves, even when no one is looking?
Respect—true, deep, lasting respect—begins within.
If you don’t treat yourself with care, with patience, with dignity, if you don’t hold yourself to the same standards that you hold others, it will always be a struggle to get that from others. Because even if they give it to you, you won’t be able to fully receive it. It won’t feel natural. It won’t feel deserved—and in some cases, it won’t be deserved. That internal conflict will manifest in the external world.
Self-respect isn’t just about what we allow from others—just as respect itself isn’t only about what we ask of others. It’s about what we ask of and allow from ourselves. It’s about keeping the promises we make to ourselves, walking in alignment with our values, and recognizing that we are our own first protector, our own first advocate, and our own first love.
And when we embody that? The world takes note.
You Are the Blueprint
The way you treat yourself sets the blueprint for how others treat you. People learn what they can and cannot do based on what you enforce—not just in words but in action.
This isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about demanding equal exchange in every interaction or refusing to give unless you first receive. True self-respect is not transactional—it’s about balance, not bargaining. It’s about recognizing when your effort is being met with indifference, when your kindness is being exploited, when your energy is being drained without return. And when that happens, it’s about having the strength to walk away—not out of spite, but out of a deep understanding that real respect flows both ways.
This isn’t about controlling others. It’s about making it clear—through the way you live—that you will not settle for less than what you give, and you will not continue to pour into spaces where that same respect and effort are not reciprocated.
So before you demand that someone else respect you, pause. Turn inward.
• Are you keeping your promises to yourself?
• Are you enforcing the boundaries you set?
• Are you showing yourself the patience, care, and love you seek from others?
• And most importantly, are you extending that same respect to others?
Because respect isn’t just about receiving—it’s about embodying.
When you hold yourself in high regard—not in an inflated, egotistical way, but in a way that reflects deep self-awareness—something shifts. You move differently. You engage differently. And those who cannot meet you there? They naturally remove themselves from your space.
That is the power of self-respect.
And that is why it must come from the right place.
The Twin Tree Project 