The Post That Sparked This Discussion
I’ve been seeing more and more posts like this one, and frankly, it’s exhausting. The comment sections are often filled with people (rightfully) holding the individuals accountable for their behavior, but what’s missing in these discussions is any consideration for what led them here or useful correspondence.
Especially if these individuals are in active therapy, it raises an even bigger question: why aren’t they improving?
That said, I’m not going to rush to label this person “entitled” or “privileged” like the internet mob—though, at face value, it’s tempting. This post isn’t a knock on them specifically, but an examination of how mental illness can manifest in ways that trap people in cycles of avoidance and fear, how the reaction of the general population to these types of videos feeds their illness, and how their illness should actually be treated.
Before addressing the speaker in the video, I’d like to address the general population regarding the reactions to videos like this, because believe it or not, you can help to better this issue in the long run.
The general public’s reaction to these types of videos often does more harm than good. When people mock, ridicule, or dismiss individuals like this, they inadvertently reinforce the person’s belief that the world is hostile and unsafe. This feeds their illness by validating their fears rather than challenging them. On the other hand, blind sympathy and over-validation—telling them their fears are justified and that the world should change to accommodate them—traps them even deeper.
Neither extreme helps.
What actually helps is acknowledging their struggle while also pushing them toward real healing—not coddling their anxieties, but encouraging them to confront and overcome them. The answer isn’t cruelty, but it’s also not validation without accountability.
If every person that just HAD to comment said, “I understand that you’re feeling unsafe, but have you considered that this fear might be something to work through rather than something the world needs to change for you?” in response to this video, it would, in the long run, likely help push this person toward reality in a much more real way and cause far less outrage in them.
Sure, that’s likely a pipe dream, because they’d have to be receiving an overwhelming majority of comments like this versus the judgmental and hateful type in order for it to work. I’m just offering what would, over time, work as a solution—that’s how to help change this behavior and their take on reality, if you really want to help them.
The Psychological Breakdown: What’s Happening Here?
This isn’t just about a trans woman feeling anxious in public—this is an observable psychological pattern. As someone who has both a professional understanding of mental health and personal experience overcoming severe anxiety, I recognize what’s happening here immediately:
1. This is a Case of Severe Anxiety & Hypervigilance
The speaker describes walking into a sandwich shop, seeing a table full of men, and experiencing extreme fear—to the point of saying it was one of “the most frightening things” they’ve ever done.
Let’s stop right there.
That reaction is not a normal or rational level of fear for the situation.
• No one approached them.
• No one spoke to them.
• No one harmed them.
And yet, their response was so extreme that it led to avoidance behavior—choosing, in the future, to only go places where they can “stay in the car.”
This is not about oppression or systemic issues—this is anxiety disorder territory.
2. Cognitive Distortions: Catastrophizing & Mind Reading
The speaker projects fear onto these men without any actual evidence that they were hostile. This is a cognitive distortion known as mind reading—assuming others are thinking negatively about you when there’s no proof.
They also engage in catastrophizing, taking a neutral or minor event (walking into a store with some guys sitting inside) and turning it into a major threat in their mind.
For someone with anxiety, these thought patterns feed into a self-perpetuating cycle—one that many therapists should be challenging rather than validating.
3. Externalizing the Problem Instead of Addressing the Internal Cause
The most telling part of their statement?
“I just want to live in a country where I can feel safe getting a sub sandwich and not have to worry about what 10 burly men are gonna think or do or say.”
Read that again.
The expectation here is that the external world should change to accommodate their anxiety, rather than them learning how to manage their own reaction to neutral situations.
This is where bad therapy comes into play. If they’re in therapy and still thinking this way, it means one of two things:
1. They are not receiving proper treatment (meaning their therapist is failing them).
2. They are not actively working on their mental health (meaning they are resisting healing and engaging in avoidance behaviors).
The solution to their distress is not demanding society change—it’s learning how to identify and correct their own thought distortions so they can function in reality without experiencing panic over situations that are not actual threats.
I Know This Because I’ve Been There
I am not speaking from a place of judgment—I am speaking from both personal experience and professional understanding.
I get it—dysmorphia and dysphoria are feral, body-warping beasts. Just like my anxiety, which spiraled into an eating disorder. I also get that the world isn’t always kind. But refusing to work with reality doesn’t help anyone. Being different isn’t the problem. Being a hypocrite is.
And when it comes to mental illness, I’m not just speaking from personal experience—I’m speaking from higher education and professional practice.
I earned a graduate degree in this very field, while battling my own mental illness. I fought for my own mind, my own body, my own life, and when I started making real progress, I knew I could help others do the same—so I kept going.
I do not share this to brag on myself, I share it to prove to you that you can achieve any dream you have, no matter who you are. But you have to work with reality to get there.
Because here’s the truth: Mental illness is real, but so is healing.
Not “pretend healing.” Not “therapy that goes nowhere.” Not “society needs to change so I don’t have to.” Real healing. The kind that takes work, effort, discipline, and accountability—but is absolutely possible.
I fought my way out. I saw a psychologist, demanded real tools, plunged into raw talk therapy, grappled with EMDR, and ground it out between sessions. It was brutal—never “fun”—but it forced me to recognize how my brain was lying to me, how anxiety was creating false threats, and how I was making it worse by feeding into avoidance behaviors.
And I learned something powerful:
🚨 Avoidance does not fix anxiety. It makes it worse. 🚨
Instead of walking into Firehouse Subs despite the discomfort and proving to themselves that nothing bad was going to happen, this person is reinforcing the belief that public spaces are dangerous and should be avoided.
And that’s not “living.” That’s being held hostage by your own mind. I know, because I’ve been there.
I’ve been in that spiral of avoidance, that cycle of self-imposed isolation, feeding my fears and reinforcing the belief that I couldn’t handle life outside my comfort zone.
But here’s the difference between what I did and what too many people are doing now: I refused to let my illness become my identity. I refused to sit in a therapist’s office and have them coo over me, telling me I was valid in being afraid. I refused to demand that the world change so I wouldn’t have to do the work of changing myself. I refused to stay weak—because I knew I was capable of being strong.
And so are you.
The Brutal Truth About Today’s Mental Health Approach
I am still deeply passionate about this. I know there’s hope. But too many people aren’t being given that hope—they’re being fed comfortable lies.
So tell me, why are therapists—the ones so many swear they’re seeing—offering empty, BS validation instead of real solutions? Why aren’t more mental health professionals speaking up about this?
Instead of challenging these thought patterns, today’s mental health culture validates them. Instead of teaching people how to correct distortions, therapists are encouraging avoidance under the guise of “protecting their feelings.”
This is medical negligence disguised as compassion.
Imagine if my therapist had said, “You’re right, the world should change so you don’t feel anxious. You are valid in being terrified of normal situations. You shouldn’t have to push yourself—it’s fine to live in a tiny, controlled bubble forever.”
Because we recognize without taboo that that type of anxiety is a mental illness, regardless of its root cause, that would never be a response anyone would validate. And yet, this exact mindset is being pushed in therapy rooms across the country.
So, where would I be today if my therapist had done the same? Nowhere. Still stuck. Maybe dead—because avoidance doesn’t just make anxiety worse, it fuels isolation, depression, and despair.
And let’s be very clear:
Mental illness is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. And if your therapy is only validating your fears, it is failing you.
Closing Thoughts: You Deserve Better
If your therapist tells you, “There’s nothing to fix. You have ____ and ____ and ____ going on, and ____ is why, but you’re valid as you are and you need to do nothing to manage it. It’s the world’s job to accommodate you,” then you are wasting your time with them and throwing your money in a black hole. They are bleeding you dry with those bills they send you, and no matter how much you spend, you will never find peace or genuine happiness that way—because your life and reality will not change.
If you’re in therapy, genuinely grinding through the work—regardless of your diagnosis—you’ve been laboring, struggling, and striving for more than half a year, and you’re still immovably stuck without any progress, especially if you’re on medication for your mental illness—then you are being misled.
Even with the most complex, chemically rooted disorders, within no less than a year of therapy and psychiatric intervention (meaning medication), you should see some form of change—whether in symptom management, coping strategies, or at the very least, movement toward a treatment plan that is working better for you. If the above description is your experience? They’re not helping you, there is better, and you deserve better.
And if you’re genuinely, boldly, bravely fighting to give yourself better? Seek out a therapist/psychiatric facility who actually helps you heal.
Because while it may take time, if you are doing your part, a better life IS waiting for you.
You don’t have to change the core of who you are, nor does anyone else have to validate you, for you to live it—only you.
If you or a loved one are seeking better care, here are some resources to help you. We care for you and strive to provide not just opinions, but solutions.
Find a Qualified Therapist:
Psychology Today Therapist Directory
Open Path Collective (Affordable Therapy)
If You Feel Stuck in Therapy:
International OCD Foundation – Finding the Right Therapist
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine
For Crisis Support & Immediate Help:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Dial 988 in the U.S.)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
SAMHSA Treatment Locator (For substance use & mental health treatment)
For Those Seeking Therapy Focused on Growth & Accountability:
• Look for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) specialists
• Search for therapists who use Exposure Therapy for anxiety-based disorders
• Ask therapists: “How do you challenge cognitive distortions and avoidance behaviors?”
You deserve better care. You deserve to heal. Never stop advocating for yourself.
The Twin Tree Project 