I recently found myself facing the difficult realization that I needed to release someone—for the highest good of both of us. It’s never easy when God calls us to turn away from someone we care about deeply, especially when every part of us wants to hold on. But sometimes, no matter how much we care or how deep our feelings run, letting go is truly what’s best.
In this situation, I had to surrender to the truth that God knows better than I do. He spoke to me and showed me that, in many ways, my efforts to help this person were only standing in the way. The lessons they needed to learn weren’t ones I could teach—they were lessons they had to recognize and heal in their own way and in their own time.
This decision wasn’t made out of anger or a lack of love. It was born out of obedience to God’s will and a recognition of my own worth in His eyes. Still, it broke my heart to know that this would likely feel out of character—perhaps even cruel—to this person. For so long, I had tried to love them through their darkness, to gently guide them toward light and healing. Yet God showed me that being an example of righteousness requires more than love and compassion. It also takes the courage to step away from cruelty and judgment, even when doing so breaks your heart.
Since taking this step, I have wrestled with self-accusations of avoidance—of refusing to confront or deal with the consequences of this relationship. Perhaps it stems from conditioning in my development or even from this person’s influence in the past, but the accusation stuck with me. It forced me to reflect deeply on why this decision felt both so heavy and yet undeniably right.
The truth is, it’s not avoidance to protect ourselves from ongoing harm. Walking away from abusive or manipulative behavior is not an act of retreat; it is a bold, righteous choice that demands immense strength. For those of us who are empathic and deeply compassionate, it can feel like betrayal to step back from someone we care for, even when staying only perpetuates harm. But we must remember: we are not avoiding the situation—we are choosing a different kind of heartache. This heartache comes from obedience to God’s call to love and respect ourselves as His children. It is not weakness; it is faith in action.
This decision was not about giving up on someone or ceasing to love them. It was about honoring God’s design for relationships and understanding that enabling someone’s harmful behavior is not loving—it is destructive to both them and us. The Bible speaks clearly about the consequences of selfishness, cruelty, and an unrepentant heart. As I let go, my grief stems not just from the personal pain of the past but also from my concern about the spiritual and earthly consequences this person may face if they do not change their ways.
The Principle of Sowing and Reaping
The Bible’s teaching on sowing and reaping is clear in Galatians 6:7-8:
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
This truth resonates deeply with anyone who has suffered at the hands of selfish or harmful behavior. It affirms that while God’s judgment may not be immediate, it is inevitable. Those who sow harm and cruelty will eventually reap destruction unless they choose to repent.
Other belief systems echo this principle:
• Hinduism’s Law of Karma: Karma teaches that every action has a corresponding reaction. Selfishness, pride, and harm to others create a ripple effect that returns to the individual, just as kindness and love bring harmony.
• Buddhism’s Cause and Effect: In Buddhism, actions are like seeds planted in the soil of existence. Harmful actions grow into suffering, while compassionate actions bear the fruit of peace and happiness.
These universal truths remind us that no one is exempt from the consequences of their choices. And while it can be painful to watch someone we love sow seeds of destruction, it is not our role to shield them from the harvest. To do so would undermine their opportunity for growth and redemption.
Protecting Ourselves Is Not Avoidance
To protect ourselves from ongoing harm is not avoidance; it is an act of obedience to God’s call to steward the life He has given us. Scripture consistently affirms the value and dignity of every individual, and part of honoring God is honoring the sacredness of our own lives.
There is biblical foundation to this. Matthew 22:39 commands us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” This verse is often interpreted as a call to selflessness, but the qualifier “as yourself” implies that self-love is a necessary foundation for loving others. Walking away from harm or manipulation is not selfish—it is a recognition of our inherent worth as God’s creation.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Paul reminds us:
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Allowing ourselves to be mistreated or enabling others to continue harmful behavior dishonors the temple God has entrusted to us.
Other Spiritual and Philosophical Parallels:
• Buddhism: The Buddhist concept of right intention and right effort in the Eightfold Path emphasizes the importance of aligning our actions with values of compassion, truth, and self-respect. Protecting ourselves from harm is not avoidance but a practice of wise discernment.
• Taoism: Taoist teachings emphasize balance and harmony. Remaining in an abusive situation disrupts this natural balance, creating disharmony not only within ourselves but also in our relationships. Walking away restores this balance and respects the natural flow of life.
The Danger of Enabling Behavior
In many faith traditions, self-sacrifice is celebrated as the ultimate expression of love and service. While self-sacrifice has its place, it is often misunderstood and misapplied, particularly in dogmatic or patriarchal contexts. Enabling abusive behavior is not true self-sacrifice—it is a distortion of love that harms both parties.
Biblical Perspective:
The Bible warns against enabling sin and harm. In Ezekiel 33:8-9, God commands Ezekiel to act as a watchman, calling out wrongdoing:
“If you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from their ways, they will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.”
Allowing someone to persist in harmful behavior by remaining silent or complicit is a disservice to their spiritual growth. Walking away is a way of calling out their actions, even if it’s from a distance.
Proverbs 27:5-6 reminds us, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” True love does not enable harm; it sets boundaries and calls people to accountability.
Philosophical and Spiritual Parallels:
• Confucianism: Confucian teachings stress the importance of rectification of names—living according to one’s role and responsibilities. Enabling harmful behavior violates this principle, as it undermines both our role as moral agents and the offender’s responsibility to grow.
• Stoicism: Stoic philosophy emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and the distinction between what is within our control and what is not. Enabling someone to avoid consequences prevents them from exercising their own agency and growth, which goes against Stoic ideals of self-mastery and virtue.
Healing Our Own Hearts
Letting go of someone we love is never easy, but it’s also an invitation to heal and grow.
1. Turn to God for Comfort and Clarity
Psalm 34:18 reminds us:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
2. Embrace the Grief and Let Yourself Feel
Loss—even when it’s necessary—is still loss. Bring your pain to God and allow Him to guide you through it.
3. Focus on Your Own Spiritual Growth
Reflect on the lessons God is teaching you about trust, boundaries, and faith.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive Community
Lean on people who will uplift and encourage you, rather than reopening wounds or questioning your decision.
Praying for the Person You’ve Released
Even though you’ve had to close a door, you can still hold this person in prayer.
1. Pray for Their Healing and Growth
Ask God to work in their heart, bringing them to self-awareness and transformation.
2. Release Them to God’s Justice and Mercy
Trust God to handle their journey. Your role is to let go, trusting His perfect timing.
3. Pray for Peace in Their Life
Even if they have hurt you, wish them well in your prayers. This act of grace frees your heart from bitterness.
Trusting God’s Plan for the Future
Walking away is not the end—it’s a step forward. Trust that God is guiding you toward greater peace and purpose while working in their life as well. By setting boundaries, you honor yourself, the other person, and the God who created you both. This journey of letting go is not avoidance—it is an act of faith, courage, and love. May it lead to deeper healing, stronger faith, and a brighter future for all involved.
It’s important to remember that this doesn’t always have to be the end. Spirit has the power to answer our prayers and create healing, even in the most broken of situations, if that’s where we focus our energy. Sometimes walking away is simply a pause—a necessary separation for growth, reflection, and transformation on both sides. If the time comes for reconciliation, it will happen in alignment with divine timing and purpose. And if this is the end, trust that it is part of Spirit’s plan for your life, clearing space for something greater to unfold.
The greatest lesson for us here is surrender. For those of us on this spiritual path, surrender is not about giving up—it is about releasing control and trusting in the higher plan. True surrender allows us to open ourselves to healing, growth, and the possibility of miracles.
You can trust your intuition—the voice of God within guiding you, even when that guidance feels painful or frightening. Listen closely to yourself, and let the patterns of the past become your teachers, shaping the path ahead. Allow yourself the grace to learn the lessons you are meant to learn, and walk forward in faith. Trust in His plan, trust in the process, and trust in your ability to move forward with love and courage, no matter the outcome.
The Twin Tree Project 